i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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