Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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