I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
