Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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