1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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