so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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