well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
