I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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