I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
