dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
