He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
