Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
