i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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