She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I met the friendliest cop last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize