the new term for farting is butt boxing.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
