Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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