I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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