my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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