He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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