Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
