All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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