Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
