how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
