the new term for farting is butt boxing.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
