driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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