He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
