3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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