dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
