You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
