does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
