No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
