I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
