he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
