I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
