when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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