i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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