I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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