maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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