Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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