i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize