is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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