Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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