the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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