why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
