You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
