I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
