you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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