Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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