i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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