we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
