Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
