Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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