i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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