Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
