So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize