Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
