u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
