I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
