i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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