i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
