Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry about my life...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
