Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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