He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
