I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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