what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she told me i tasted like america
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
