alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
