You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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