So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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