I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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