new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
