was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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