I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
