God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
