She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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