I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's the barista slut.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
