As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
