she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
