I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
