Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
