it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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