U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
