Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
