so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
