Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
