after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
