She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
