As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
