You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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