Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
