There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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