I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
