You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
