Heybabeimwearingurpanties
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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