That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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