her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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