Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
