the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
