Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
